Death is a personal journey. It's a trip we all know we must take, but one that we don't necessarily want to take right now. When it comes time to take that journey, I hope that I have the strength and courage to take it with such grace as my brother, Jim, and his now deceased wife, Lara. Lara, if you remember my last post from 5 months ago, was diagnosed with a primary brain cancer, glioblastoma multiforme, while they were on their boat sailing around the world. That was 5 months ago. On Thanksgiving Day she left us for a much, much better place.
I am putting this in writing because I want readers to know what I think of my brother. Her journey, tragic and horrible, was short and she is now in Heaven. Jim and his wonderful daughters now have the hard road ahead of finding their way without their wonderful friend, wife, and mother.
I sent this book excerpt to Jim early on. It is from "Mortal Lessons" by Richard Selzer:
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I stand by the bed where a young woman lies, her face postoperative, her mouth twisted in palsy, clownish. A tiny twig of the facial nerve, the one to the muscles of her mouth had been severed. She will be thus from now on. The surgeon had followed with religious fervor the curve of her flesh; I promise you that. Nevertheless, to remove the tumor in her cheek, I had cut the little nerve.
Her young husband is in the room. He stands on the opposite of the bed, and together they seem to dwell in the evening lamplight, isolated from me, private. Who are they, I ask myself, he and this wry-mouth I have made, who gaze at and touch each other so generously, greedily? The young woman speaks.
"Will my mouth always be like this?" she asks.
"Yes," I say, "it will. It is because the nerve was cut."
She nods, and is silent. But the young man smiles.
"I like it," he says. "It is kind of cute."
All at once, I know who he is. I understand, and I lower my gaze. One is not bold in an encounter with a god. Unmindful, he bends to kiss her crooked mouth, and I so close I can see how he twists his own lips to accommodate to hers, to show her that their kiss still works. I remember that the gods appeared in ancient Greece as mortals, and I hold my breath and let the wonder in.
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Revelation 21: 4-5
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away. Then He who sat on the throne said, "Behold, I make all things new."
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To my friend and brother, Jim, we only know a portion of your pain. You have the full measure of our love and respect. It is not enough. I'm sorry.
I hold my breath and let the wonder in.
